hawkwardly replied to your post “you said you had a lot of thoughts about bottoming, could you share more of them, please?”

I agree with all of these things! Although I 100% admit to liking the taller person topping because… that’s what I like, personally. I’m short and shallow, sigh.

There is nothing wrong with having a preference! I just think it’s important—as you did—to be aware that it’s a preference and that any insistence that this is the way things are because X person/character is short/blonde/more excitable is silly at best, and buying into harmful beliefs at worst. 

Anonymous said: you said you had a lot of thoughts about bottoming, could you share more of them, please?

Hey! I am always happy to go on and on about my opinions about bottoming (and topping). Before I start I want to give the usual huge caveat: I have read and loved stories that go against everything I am about to say. Porn, especially, is about getting people into a certain mind-set and so it’s easy to turn “this again?” into “holy shit, yes” with the right author.

Basically, I see a lot of the following in fic and it bums me out:

  • Deciding who bottoms based off “looks” or size. 
  • Bottoms as “needy” or “desperate”.
  • Strong power dynamics, solely based on someone topping or bottoming, in stories without them otherwise.

The last one is sort of vague, but for me includes things like:

  • The top not fucking the bottom until they are “begging for it”.
  • The top “batting” the bottom’s hand away when they start to jerk off (often insisting that they come untouched).
  • The bottom specificlly asking for something—harder, faster, whatever—and the top ignoring it or literally doing the opposite.

These aren’t things that happen in some fics (like D/s stories) occasionally. It happens a lot, across fandoms. And that’s what gets me—this seems to be less exploring things that can be hot and more about those things being written as if they are inherently part of topping or bottoming.

All of the above, for me, creates a large body of stories where the implication seems to be that bottoms should not get much input in the kind of sex they have and that by bottoming they are taking on a role where they should do only what the top wants. It’s taking away some of the things that can be truly awesome and fun about sex: communicating desire! Learning what someone likes! Trying new things! And instead making sex about the desires of one participant (even if the stories are bottom POV). 

And since in fandom the bottom tends to be the stand in for women who bottom, this makes me cringe. Heck, it makes me cringe as a toppy person who adores bottoms and thinks that if you don’t care about what the bottom wants you’re probably a shitty top.

Sex is fun! Power and aggression can be fun! Calling someone a needy slut can be fun! These are certainly reasons why people may prefer to bottom or top! But I, personally, vastly prefer stories where that aspect is embraced and fully made part of the fantasy, rather than anything that casually treats it as just the way things are.

"Bottoming isn’t just about the physical sensation of being penetrated, it’s the emotional high of accepting someone else’s presence in your body."

— How to Be Better at Bottoming (link)

diaryofaphillyfan:

favorite players 1/? - wayne simmonds

(via neboolia)

(Source: cptsmallass, via blue--spruce)

ianjacobportfolio:

Ian Jacob by Mariana Bellot-Flores in the tunnels under the National Mall. 

(via discoelitist)

patriceberg:

so today my professor told us how she found her 8 year old neighbor crying on his way home from school last week and when she asked what happened, he told her that while he was at hockey tryouts these white boys called him the N word and told him that black people couldn’t play hockey. she felt so bad for him because she said he was always sweet and well mannered to her. she convinced her brother to give up his tickets to see the Flyers vs Habs game so she could give it to her neighbor. somehow he ended up meeting Wayne Simmonds and the boys father told him what happened.

apparently Wayne had a really sad look on his face after he heard what happened but he told the kid to not give up even though people’s words can hurt. and when Wayne told the kid that he believed in him and that he could be the greatest hockey player in the world and maybe even play for the Flyers one day if he didn’t give up, the kid started to cry. later Wayne gave the boy his email addresses and said that if those boys ever messed with him again, that he was to email him and that he would have his back.

after the boy and father thanked Wayne, he had a big smile on his face and just said, “us handsome fellas gotta stick together, eh?”

(via oduya)

didoxidate:

Ways to cope with trades #3895043
Nick Leddy the Brooklyn hipster
He’s found this really cool independent record store/book store/coffee place
Yeah he kinda knows the owners now
And he’s cultivating the beard
He’s really into the old vintage jerseys
"Hey listen to this band," Nick says, "yeah, you know, you probably haven’t heard of them, but I just happened to catch one of their shows this one time…?"

Ok, but I have a lot of Islanders Move to Brooklyn thoughts generally speaking and am very excited to be the Islanders hipster next year when they are actually there. Here are some more things:
The (winter) Brooklyn Flea Market happens right by the Barclays center, let’s get some stories about buying overpriced vintage clothes.
BAM is right there, where they could pretend to be classy by attending an opera or seeing a bunch of art movies.
So many bars with outdoor seating and free popcorn and literally no one who would recognize them.
Queer dances! Like a billion of them happen in Park Slope, often in the Bell House which is also a hipster-y concert venue/bar. Do you know how many things I would read about people inadvertently stumbling into queer dance parties? All of them. 
And there are approximately 10,000 restaurants in that part of Brooklyn, but they could definitely spend the summer drinking at Habana Outpost with 4,000 other hipsters.
Buying a condo in a brownstone and also trying to find parking.
Prospect Park! And all the adjacent Prospect Park things like hipsters playing volleyball and also the farmer’s market.
There is also a Mayonnaise Store, this should be in every fic, I demand it.
Also hockey players being baffled over places like the Way Station and Weather Up. 

didoxidate:

Ways to cope with trades #3895043

  • Nick Leddy the Brooklyn hipster
  • He’s found this really cool independent record store/book store/coffee place
  • Yeah he kinda knows the owners now
  • And he’s cultivating the beard
  • He’s really into the old vintage jerseys
  • "Hey listen to this band," Nick says, "yeah, you know, you probably haven’t heard of them, but I just happened to catch one of their shows this one time…?"

Ok, but I have a lot of Islanders Move to Brooklyn thoughts generally speaking and am very excited to be the Islanders hipster next year when they are actually there. Here are some more things:

  • The (winter) Brooklyn Flea Market happens right by the Barclays center, let’s get some stories about buying overpriced vintage clothes.
  • BAM is right there, where they could pretend to be classy by attending an opera or seeing a bunch of art movies.
  • So many bars with outdoor seating and free popcorn and literally no one who would recognize them.
  • Queer dances! Like a billion of them happen in Park Slope, often in the Bell House which is also a hipster-y concert venue/bar. Do you know how many things I would read about people inadvertently stumbling into queer dance parties? All of them
  • And there are approximately 10,000 restaurants in that part of Brooklyn, but they could definitely spend the summer drinking at Habana Outpost with 4,000 other hipsters.
  • Buying a condo in a brownstone and also trying to find parking.
  • Prospect Park! And all the adjacent Prospect Park things like hipsters playing volleyball and also the farmer’s market.
  • There is also a Mayonnaise Store, this should be in every fic, I demand it.
  • Also hockey players being baffled over places like the Way Station and Weather Up

Honestly, my hockey fandom this season is generally being way too invested in the Snapchat Interns.